Last week, I didn’t publish a newsletter.

After 25 consecutive weeks, I missed.

Initially, this miss was unintentional. 

In fact, I wrote out two different drafts of a newsletter the week prior; however, each felt rushed and as if they were written at my D-level writing (unacceptable).

Ultimately, I chose to intentionally miss; to end my streak of 25 consecutive weeks publishing a newsletter each Friday. The journey to shift my miss from unintentional to intentional was simple, but not easy.

In today’s Unstuck Yourself Newsletter, I want to share more insight into how past perfectionism tendencies and people-pleasing desires came to the surface - specifically, what they looked and sounded like.

I aim to not only help normalize these thoughts when you place the impossible standard of perfection upon you, but to also offer tangible strategies to help you break free from this burden so you can experience a sense of peace around your intentional decision to choose consistency over perfection.

Reminder: I offer one-on-one Mindset and Performance Coaching designed to help you uncover the collection of fears, beliefs, and behaviors keeping you stuck so that we can collectively unlearn and upgrade them en route to unlocking your full potential. 

Schedule a complimentary Coaching Discovery Call with me now to learn more about how I can help you get out of your own way.

Setting the Stage

I took nine days off from both email and social media.

Aside from a prior speaking commitment, I planned to prioritize a period of both deep rest and deep play as I navigated the desert, mountains, casinos, and nightlife of Vegas.

And, boy did I!

My commitment to myself during this trip was to not work in any capacity - outside of my prior speaking engagement.

This meant that while my girlfriend was working, I was to occupy my time through rest, journaling, reading, playing, time with friends, poker, exercise - anything but working!

This trip had been planned for weeks and I worked diligently to plan and execute accordingly so that my usual weekly work commitments weren’t interrupted.

This meant working ahead to record my weekly Unstuck Yourself Podcast episode proactively and to write my weekly Unstuck Yourself newsletter.

But you know what?

Life happened.

New responsibilities appeared.

New emotions arose.

Life threw me a couple of curveballs the week before leaving.

And, as life happened, priorities shifted, and time disappeared in the blink of an eye. 

When all was said and done, my biggest priority remained servicing my current Mindset and Performance Coaching clients - at the expense of releasing myself from the commitment of a lower-level priority due to insufficient time.

The casualty this time was my weekly newsletter.

The Toxic Inner Chatter

You see, I, too, struggle with perfectionism and people-pleasing tendencies.

The thought of missing a week of my newsletter initially brought up significant anxiety.

• What if a lack of weekly communication led to all readers abandoning ship and lacking interest the next time I published a newsletter?

• What if I miss an opportunity to serve someone in need?

• What if I miss an opportunity to sign up another coaching client?

And, most bluntly: 

“Paul - you made a promise to yourself to write each week for a year. You can’t be serious about breaking this…”

These thoughts - combined with feelings of self-inflicted worry, anxiety, and pressure - led to a brief period of inner turmoil. This inner turmoil led to multiple attempts to rapidly write a newsletter (hence the mention of two working drafts previously).

In this emotionally charged, time-sensitive state, I could not produce my best work. 

My thoughts were disorganized and my points were unclear. I knew what I wanted to say but stared blankly at my Google Doc screen while I remained paralyzed in a state of inaction. 

Some people are wired to perform well in these situations.

I am not one of them.

For 48 hours I stressed mightily over this newsletter - it just had to get done.

Somehow, it would get done.

Right!?

Wrong. 

Rather than remain stuck in a downward spiral of worry, anxiety, and regret, I gave myself permission to miss; to be imperfect.

And, you know what? 

This decision to permit myself to not be perfect brought an immediate sense of relief.

With this relief, I was able to turn down the volume of my emotional brain, while turning up the volume of my logical brain.

Step Back and Infuse Logic

Does it really matter?

Perfection requires complete control of every single variable involved in a desired outcome.

Guess what - the only variables you have total control over are your effort, attitude, and actions.

Therefore, perfection is but an illusion; impossible to achieve. 

Of course, this is difficult to see when you’re so close to a particular situation and committed to a specific goal. The closer - and more committed - you are, the more emotion involved in the situation.

This emotion often translates to bearing an unbearable burden of unnecessary, self-inflicted pressure, that, when not managed, can beat you down and exhaust you mentally, emotionally, and physically.

One key question I have learned to ask myself when I start to feel the pressure of perfectionism creep in is this:

“Does it really matter?”

No.

And, it never does.

There are an incalculable number of people and priorities in my life that are far more valuable than my weekly newsletter.

I know this and you know this to be true in your life, too; however, it can be difficult to see that when we’re so invested and close to a project and goal. 

This simple question allowed me to view my situation from an objective, 30,000-foot view - what I also like to refer to as my lens of logic.

When I asked this question, I was able to further turn down the volume of my emotional brain, which enabled me to turn up the volume of my logical brain.

For a shockingly simple, science-backed strategy to quickly turn down the volume of your emotional brain, check out this recent edition of my newsletter.

When operating from a clear-headed, emotionally-controlled state, I’m able to see the simplicity in the solution to my challenge. In this state, I quickly (and laughably) recognized that my fears and worries about missing a week of my newsletter were irrational and silly.

Questions to Ponder: Perfect to Peaceful

Where in your life are you attempting to be perfect to the point it’s becoming counterproductive?

Remember, there is a dark side to chasing perfect…

Perhaps, it’s with your gym or meal prep routine, a work project, or in managing your finances.

I invite you to specifically think about your situation and offer you the following questions to ponder…

• What about not being perfect scares you?

• What’s the worst possible outcome if you aren’t perfect?

• What’s the likelihood - on a scale of 1 - 10 - that this outcome actually happens?

• If it does, how will you respond?

• How is this drive for perfectionism helping you?

• How is this drive for perfectionism hurting you?

• Relinquishing this commitment to perfectionism makes me feel _____…

• What immediate releif will you feel once you release this unnecessary commitment?

• How will this benefit your life?

• Who will this benefit in your life?

Here’s a look into my answers to these prompts…

• Not following through on a commitment I made to myself brings up feelings of shame.

• Someone on the internet is disappointed I didn’t write my newsletter.

• 4/10?

• It really doesn’t matter…

• This drive is beneficial in that it has helped me develop a tenacious work ethic.

• It has hurt me by robbing me of the ability to be flexible and present in life.

• Scared, but potentially free and at peace.

• Peace; lightness.

• I will be present on vacation - which is a greater priority!

• Myself, my girlfriend, my friends.

One More Thing: Don’t Miss Twice

Learning how and when to give yourself permission to miss - to be less than perfect - is a skill that takes both practice and time to develop. 

This practice, however, should not give way to lowering your standard. You need to still hold yourself accountable to the standard you’ve set to do your best work. 

To help myself and my clients remain accountable, I reiterate the following:

“Don’t miss twice.”

The moment you miss twice you begin rewiring your brain to form a new habit - a habit of inconsistency!

Get back on track - like I did with this week’s newsletter - at the very next opportunity. 

Give yourself grace when you miss.

However, don’t miss twice.

Your Next Step

You know the drill at this point - reread the newsletter and make the time to answer the prompts shared to help get out of your own way.

You can’t change unless you change.

Ready to learn more about how Hypno-Mindset and Performance Coaching can help you unlock your full potential?

Schedule a complimentary Coaching Discovery Call with me now.

Thank you for reading this week’s newsletter.

Interested in learning more about how I help high-performers just like you unstuck themselves and unlock their full potential?

Apply to work with me and schedule a coaching discovery call here. 

You may catch up on previous newsletters here. 

Subscribe and listen to The Unstuck Yourself Podcast here.

If you have a question about anything I discussed in this week’s Unstuck Newsletter, please message me on Twitter (@pauljsalter7) or Instagram (@paulsaltercoaching).

My email inbox is always open, too: [email protected]. 

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