In the intricate tapestry of human experience, fear weaves itself into the very fabric of our existence. 

It's an ancient survival instinct, etched into the recesses of our subconscious, shaping our thoughts, decisions, and the narratives we tell ourselves. 

Fear, as we'll uncover, is not a straightforward emotion. 

It's a complex interplay of instincts, stories, and ancient programming that often works against our modern aspirations. As we journey into the heart of fear, we'll uncover its irrational roots, tracing back to a time when survival meant tribal acceptance and exclusion meant imminent danger.

These fears, remnants of our ancestors' struggle for survival, persist in shaping our responses to modern challenges, influencing everything from our relationships to our professional pursuits.

In today’s edition of the Unstuck Yourself Newsletter, we'll confront the false evidence appearing real, understanding that fear can be triggered by both real and imagined threats. From the ancient Stoics to our contemporary selves, fear is a shared human experience. But fear, as we'll distinguish, is not an immutable state. 

It's a choice, one that can either paralyze us into inaction or propel us forward toward growth and achievement.

Buckle up. We’re moving full steam ahead into dissecting fear!

NOTE: you’ll find this newsletter more impactful if you first review a recent edition entitled, “Escaping the Fear JAR.” Click here to read this first.

Fear Defined

Fear is a survival instinct, an automatic response deeply embedded in your nervous system from ancient times. 

It often takes the form of beliefs or stories related to specific aspects of your life, events, or individuals (or spiders), acting as a strategy to keep you in your comfort zone - a pattern recognized as self-sabotage.

You learned in a recent edition of the Unstuck Yourself Newsletter, “Unmasking the Subconscious: The Hidden Driver of Your Actions” that the subconscious is irrational. For instance, logically, I know it’s safe to earn as much money as I desire. But for some time, I didn’t feel safe doing so due to a deep, innate fear of abandonment and judgment (by my parents). 

Fear, which resides in your subconscious, is irrational, too. It doesn’t make sense. This fact, however, does make sense, given fear originates in the amygdala of your brain, which is part of your limbic brain. This is one of the oldest parts of the brain and is home to emotions, such as fear, anger, and anxiety.

Fear has been around since we as a species were around and has literally played a life-or-death role in our survival. 

What makes fear so difficult to conquer is that on the surface (conscious awareness), you can often see how irrational your fear is - whether that’s earning more money, losing weight, or asking someone out on a date. However, deep within, you feel such a symphony of strong emotions that the experience literally feels like life or death.

Gulp.

Even the Stoics - who were known as masters of their emotions - admitted they, too, experienced fear. 

In fact, they had a word for it: phantasiai.

Phew! What a sigh of relief. 

Even the most zen of people in our existence experienced fear, too. The Stoics did not fault anyone for having an emotional reaction (hallelujah!) - they only concerned themselves with what you did after the shine of that feeling wore off.

False Evidence Appearing Real

“We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” 

-Seneca

Any time there’s a perceived threat, your fear instinct is triggered and your body begins to initiate several changes to facilitate the fight, flight, or freeze response.

What’s captivating, however, is that this instinct can be triggered by both real and imagined threats, and these threats may be physical, emotional, or psychological.

Consider this scenario: you're walking home in the dark, and on the other side of the street, you notice a tall man in a black sweatsuit, sporting a black hat and sunglasses (yes, at night).

Superficially, there's no concrete evidence to feel threatened, but beneath the surface, your body might be reacting—fuel mobilizing, heart rate escalating. This example underscores that fear is a learned behavior. Logically, when detached from the situation, there's no concrete reason to fear passing this man at night.

Unless, of course, you've had a negative encounter with a similarly dressed person before. In such a case, your subconscious has stored this memory along with the associated emotions. Whenever something even remotely similar happens around you, your subconscious raises a red flag, prepping fuel stores just in case it resembles the previous experience.

Every fear you currently harbor, regardless of size, is a byproduct of an experience. Your subconscious is diligently working to shield you from potential harm by preparing you for situations reminiscent of past encounters.

The Fear Jar

A long list of common fears include…

• Fear of failure.

• Fear of success.

• Fear of embarrassment.

• Fear of love.

• Fear of connection.

• Fear of acceptance.

• Fear of spiders.

• Fear of being wrong.

• Fear of commitment.

• Fear of being exposed as an imposter.

• Fear of speaking up.

Which stands out to you?

Each of these are surface-level fears.

Yes, they’re legitimate fears, however, they blur your ability (unless you take the time to truly reflect) to identify the core fear.

Each of us, myself included, is biologically hardwired with three core fears, what I like to refer to as the Fear JAR.

Fear of Judgment.

Fear of Abandonment.

Fear of Rejection.

I detail this concept in a past edition of the Unstuck Yourself Newsletter, entitled, “Escaping the Fear Jar.” Click here to open this in a new tab to read next.

But in short, each of these core fears is rooted in helping your survival.

Remember - your ancestor’s lives literally depended on being a part of a tribe. Anything that risked being kicked out of the tribe induced a deep-rooted sense of fear to serve as a red flag to stop the behavior immediately because the consequence of being ostracized from the tribe was death.

• If your tribe judges you for your behavior, the risk of being kicked out exponentially increases.

• If your tribe does abandon you, well, it’s likely a matter of days before you’re impending death.

• And, of course, if you are rejected by your tribe, you’re ultimately abandoned, and, well, death.

Bleek times, I know.

And, again, I’m right here with you: these seem too primal, simple, and silly to be prevalent today.

But they are.

And, they’re powerful AF.

Let’s revisit the common list of fears I shared previously, and trace it back to one of these three core fears:

• I fear failure - rejection

• I fear success - abandonment

• I fear embarrassment - judgment

• I fear love - rejection

• I fear connection - rejection

• I fear acceptance - rejection

• I fear spiders - death

• I fear being wrong - judgment

• I fear commitment rejection

• I fear being exposed as an imposter - judgment

• I fear speaking up - abandonment

Whether you fear failure, success, embarrassment, speaking up, or being wrong, each of these can be traced back to a deep-rooted fear of being judged, abandoned, and rejected.

When you can get to the core of what you’re truly fearful of, you create an opportunity to identify the root cause of this fear. 

In my case, I used to harbor a fear that it was unsafe to make more than a specific amount of money because doing so would lead to judgment and abandonment from my family, specifically, my parents. 

Interested in learning how Hypno-Mindset and Performance Coaching can help you unstuck yourself from the fear holding you back from reaching your full potential? 

Schedule a 30-minute discovery call with me here. 

A Distinct Difference: Feeling Scared versus Feeling Afraid (Fear)

“Be scared. You can’t help that. But don’t be afraid.”

-William Faulkner

This is an essential distinction - read this section as many times as necessary until it’s clear.

Fear is a state of being. 

It drags you down, weakens you, and even paralyzes you; it’s a liability and holds you back. Fear tends to warp your thinking, causing you to:

• Exaggerate the potential negative consequences of taking action.

• Understate the potential positive results of taking action.

• Ignore the costs of inaction.

To allow it to rule over you and assume control is a disgrace.

Fear is a choice. 

It does not serve you.

A scare, however, is a temporary rush of feelings (that can be forgiven). 

A scare helps you. Feeling scared (a temporary feeling, remember) makes you alert, wakes you up, and informs you of danger.

It’s okay to be scared.

It’s not okay to let being scared stop you from doing what you know needs to be done.

It’s normal to feel scared when you are…

• Asking someone you’ve never met out on a date

• Pitching your business or idea to collect funding

• Asking for a raise or promotion

• Raising your prices

But to remain stuck in this state, to allow it to transform into a state of being (fear), is a disgrace and counterproductive to helping you attain your goal.

Pause for a moment…

Think back to the last time you felt scared to do something.

• How did you feel?

• Where did you feel it?

Perhaps, it was butterflies in your stomach or a tingle in your chest.

Remember these feelings.

This is the feeling of being alive.

Recognize that fear is a compass pointing you in the direction of your full potential.

What you fear is often what you most need to do…

Overcoming Fear: Fear Setting

You must break down fear logically, label it, and get to the root of it; understand it and be able to explain it. 

When you’re able to do this, you make it a malleable object (metaphorically, of course). And, given emotion is nothing more than energy in motion, you create an opportunity to redirect or release this energy. 

I want to introduce you to an exercise called “Fear Setting,” which I first heard about from Tim Ferris. 

Fear Setting is a structured reflection exercise used to help you see decisions more clearly when fear is holding you back and distorting your thinking. In essence, this exercise will help you to:

• Put your fears under a microscope.

• Consider the potential benefits of taking action.

• Consider the consequences of inaction.

I’ve included a concise overview of this exercise below for you but if you want more information, I suggest reviewing this written resource or watching Tim explain it in this video. 

I recommend you set aside at least 30 minutes to complete this exercise. You will need a journal and something to write with.

1. On a piece of paper, create three columns labeled: 

   1. Define

   2. Prevent

   3. Repair
      

2. In column one (Define), define everything you fear about the idea of taking action.

   1. List out your most nightmarish scenarios, your doubts, and your “what-if”s. 

   2. What’s the worst-case scenario?

   3. What might go wrong?

3. In column two (Prevent), list ways you could reduce (or prevent) the likelihood of each of the worst-case scenarios from happening.

   1. What actions - big and small - could you take to make those scenarios less likely to come to fruition? 

4. In column three (Repair), list ways you could repair the damage, if this situation were to come true.

   1. What actions could you take to repair the damage, or get yourself back on track?

5. Assess the impact of these worst-case scenarios on a scale of 1-10.

   1. 1 = minimal impact

   2. 10 = permanently life-altering in a significant way
      

6. Consider the potential benefits of taking action.

   1. Write down the positive benefits of even an attempt, or partial success at taking action.

   2. Assess the potential potential positive benefit of these successes on a 1-10 scale.

      1. 1 = minimal impact

      2. 10 = a very significant impact

7. Consider the consequences of inaction.

   1. Write down the potential costs of maintaining the status quo.

      1. What are the costs of inaction? 

      2. What are you losing, missing, giving up, and enduring?

      3. Consider all emotional, financial, and physical consequences at each time horizon. 

Your Next Step

You know the drill:

1. Review this newsletter as many times as necessary.

2. Reach out to me via one of the avenues detailed below with any questions.

3. And do the freakin’ exercise.

It’s okay to be scared to face your fear, but remember that it’s not okay to be fearful, or stuck in a state of paralysis. This is a disgrace.

You can’t change unless you change.

Thank you for reading this week’s newsletter.

Interested in learning more about how I help high-performers just like you unstuck themselves and unlock their full potential?

Apply to work with me and schedule a coaching discovery call here. 

You may catch up on previous newsletters here. 

If you have a question about anything I discussed in this week’s Unstuck Newsletter, please message me on Twitter (@pauljsalter7) or Instagram (@paulsaltercoaching).

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