- Unstuck Yourself
- Posts
- The Art of Strategic Surrender
I’m a quitter.
If you are anything like me, you’ve quit several things in your life, too.
But can you confidently say you quit for the right reasons and are at peace with those decisions?
I ended my marriage (read: quit), but three years later, I don't have a better - or another - wife to show for it. On the other hand, I quit my last job in 2017 (as the Nutrition Editor for Bodybuilding.com). In this case, I have more happiness, and freedom, and earn significantly more money.
I have quit many things in my life.
Reflecting on my quits, few stand out as being done for the right reasons. I often quit based on challenges or fear - not the right intentions or motivations. However, several instances of quitting have contributed to my current happiness, freedom, and success.
So, why do I sometimes feel guilt and regret after quitting, while other times I feel relief and empowerment?
In today’s newsletter, I’ll explore when it is, and isn't, okay to quit. I'll equip you with tools, guidelines, and questions to make informed decisions about quitting pursuits.
Quitting doesn't need to carry a negative stigma. When you reshape your relationship with quitting, you unlock newfound freedom, power, and opportunities, saving energy, emotion, time, and money.
Don’t quit now - there’s still an entire newsletter left to read. Let’s go!
Quitting: What it Means and Why We Do It
Quit
verb
to give up or resign; let go; relinquish
The Latin derivative of the word quit simply means, “release; discharge; let go.”
Today, however, the decision to quit something - like a job, marriage, diet, or exercise routine - often carries a negative connotation. To be labeled as a “quitter” is a grave insult that’s not taken lightly.
Why?
Being labeled as a “quitter” implies weakness, lack of follow-through and commitment, and failure, each of which is a trait that threatens your sense of belonging, and stokes your innate fears of abandonment and rejection.
This makes sense when we take a step back and consider common reasons we attribute our decision to quit to:
Lack of self-belief
Lack of a sustainable approach
Lack of accountability
Fear of failure
Fear of success
Fear of judgment
Fear of rejection
Inadequate preparation or misguided expectations as to the difficulty or duration
Lack of an emotionally-charged “why” behind the pursuit
But here’s the key differentiating factor between high-performers and the average person - the latter who is overweight, depressed, stressed, and in debt:
High-Performers recognize that the act of quitting is a tool to help them pivot, focus, grow, and create a bigger impact (and income).
In fact, rather than even utilizing the word “quit” - remember that words carry tremendous power and positive energy - they instead may say things like:
“I’ve decided to make a change.”
“We need to pivot the direction of this project.”
“I’m rededicating myself to a new or different direction.”
(you can read more about the hidden habits of High-Performers here).
The act of quitting - the act of letting go or releasing something that’s not serving them any longer - frees up an indescribable amount of mental, emotional, and physical energy that can then be used to move closer to whatever your ultimate goal is.
Just look at a few of these noteworthy decisions to quit and see how they panned out…
Twitter (X.com): Twitter was originally known as Odeo, which was a network where people could find and subscribe to podcasts. However, once iTunes came onto the scene, owners were forced to pivot (quit). This decision to quit led to the first iteration of a status-updating, micro-blogging platform that eventually became Twitter (now X.com).
Starbucks: Starbucks originally began selling espresso makers and beans - not a lick of coffee! Now, you can find a Starbucks on every street corner selling nothing but coffee and coffee drinks.
Nintendo: Before becoming a worldwide name in the video game niche, Nintendo - which has been around for centuries - sold everything from playing cards to vacuums and instant rice.
Instagram: Instagram began as Burbn, a check-in app that included gaming and photo elements. However, as founders continued to try and grow the app with little success, they recognized their platform was too cluttered; thus, leading to the decision to quit the pursuit of several of the app features to double-down solely on the photography element. I feel like this decision paid off quite well considering I spend a lot of time educating and connecting with others here.
Quitting is essentially reframed and viewed as “rededication to a different direction.”
Ah, I love the power of a good reframe, which is something indescribably valuable that a great coach can offer you to help expedite results.
Interested in learning how Hypno-Mindset and Performance Coaching can help you unstuck yourself and reach your full potential? Schedule a 30-minute discovery call with me here.
To Quit or Not to Quit…
In his book, “The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When To Quit (And When To Stick),” author Seth Godin argues that “winners and high-achievers attain outstanding results precisely because they know when to quit and when to persevere.”
You can grab the book here, by the way (not an affiliate link).
The entire book is based on making a case for reframing the act of quitting to being viewed as a positive, or, as he phrases it: “learning how to quit strategically to get ahead.”
To articulate his points, Godin shares three powerful diagrams to help readers better understand the reasons behind a decision to quit. He contrasts the relationship between effort and rewards in each.
The Dip
“Quitting is NOT the same as failing; it’s a strategic decision you make based upon the choices available to you.”
The “dip” curve has the most universal application to any pursuit in your life that’s worth being pursued. This diagram represents the journey to significant achievement by highlighting three distinct phases:
Early on in your pursuit, the rewards match the effort put forth. This is seeing the scale go down the first few weeks of a diet or signing your first few clients after launching a new offer.
However, as effort continues, the ratio of reward experienced diminishes greatly for some time. This is reaching the first plateau on the scale during a diet or going a few weeks without signing a new client after the initial launch success.
Those strong enough to persist through this period - those able to remain committed to playing the long game - eventually experience an exponential rise in rewards as they continue to persist. This is seeing the diet through and hitting a new low weight on the scale in a few weeks or signing another influx of clients after finetuning your offer and messaging.
If it’s worth doing, there’s probably a dip.
And, as author Godin says, “extraordinary benefits are on the other side of the dip for those persistent enough to push through.”
High-Performers can recognize, accept, and embrace that the dip is a natural part of the journey. Rather than praying it ends soon, they lean into the dip and dial up their intensity, focus, and commitment during this period.
They recognize that the struggle they’re experiencing isn’t the real struggle, rather, the real struggle is staying with the struggle long enough to reap the rewards on the other side.
The Cul-De-Sac
The cul-de-sac represents when you work and work and work and nothing changes. In French, the word represents “dead-end.”
The lack of change can happen for several reasons. My favorite to point out, of course, is the fact that you can’t change unless you change.
Remember that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. If you’re not willing to change, or, external factors outside of your control simply won’t change, it’s time to quit.
When you find yourself here, you need to get off fast because it’s keeping you from doing something else; you need to quit.
The Cliff
In the cliff scenario, the pain of quitting gets bigger and bigger over time; you can’t quit until you fall off and the whole thing falls apart. The falling-off part is typically marked by an emotional implosion or explosion of sorts - perhaps, you may know it as a mid-life crisis.
(been there…)
When you’re experiencing the cliff, you feel stuck. You know what to do, yet, find yourself trapped in a state of indecision and inaction.
Eventually, life forces a decision and action; however, these are not done on your terms or necessarily your choice and things can get messy quickly.
When to Quit versus When to Stick
Godin argues that the biggest obstacle to success in life is the inability to quit the cul-de-sac and cliff soon enough.
The common reason I’ve personally experienced and witnessed in my three-plus decades of living and 15 years of coaching?
Pride.
The ego.
Yet, every time both myself and my clients have finally found the courage to quit, one of the immediate thoughts experienced is, “I wish I did that much sooner.”
Can you relate?
Whether you’re pursuing the next income bracket, a promotion, starting a new business, writing a book, building a new offer, preparing to become a parent for the first (or third) time, or attempting to drastically change your health and body composition, there will be a dip in your pursuit.
That much is guaranteed.
What’s also guaranteed is that those who invest the time, energy, and money to remain committed to getting through the dip become the best of the best.
Intentionally choosing to remain stuck and miserable earns you nothing (not even a badge or pin to place on your suit or dress…).
A reframing of this decision is as simple as recognizing that you’re wasting your time, your potential, and your life by choosing to be miserable when the blow to your pride when opting to quit will come and go like the brief pain experienced when ripping off a band-aid.
But Paul, it’s easier to remain stuck because it’s familiar.
Yes, I agree.
But is familiar serving you?
If you need a refresher on how to conquer procrastination, open this past newsletter up in a new tab to read next, “Procrastination Exposed: Discover the Unexpected Root of Your Procrastination Habit.”
One of the most mature decisions you can make when determining whether to quit a pursuit is to not start that pursuit in the first place.
The most counterproductive choice you can make is deciding to start, waste countless amounts of time, energy, and money, and then quit during the dip. If the journey you started is worth doing – and you know why! – then quitting when you experience the dip is stupid and a waste.
The Rules of Quitting
Below is a collection of both some of my rules and author Seth Godin’s rules when it comes to deciding to quit.
Never quit something with long-term potential because you cannot withstand the stress of the moment. You can outlast temporary - the temporary pain and emotions that are an inevitable and essential part of the dip.
Never quit on a bad day. Quit on a good day.
Shift your focus on seeing quitting as a go-up opportunity
Quit all cul-de-sacs and cliffs ASAP to free up energy to push through the dip that’s worth it.
If you’re NOT able to get through the dip, quit right now.
If you can’t make it through the dip, don’t start. Take the time to forecast your obstacles ahead of time and decide whether you can push through them and want to push through them.
Questions to Ask (and Answer) Before You Decide to Quit (or Let Go)
Below is a curated list of questions I use personally and with my clients to help them achieve peace of mind in their decision to let go or remain committed to a particular pursuit.
What’s the honest reason I want to quit?
And is this reason rooted in my best interest or that of somebody else?
What do I fear will happen if I don’t quit?
What do I fear will happen if I do quit?
What do I gain by quitting?
What do I gain by staying?
What sort of measurable progress am I making?
If I quit this task, will it increase my ability to get through my dip on something more important?
Are you avoiding the remarkable as a way of quitting without quitting?
Your Next Step
I’m proud of you for not quitting on this newsletter and making it to the end.
Your next step is to take the time to answer the questions I shared above. Wherever you’re feeling stuck right now, there exists an aspect of your stuckness that you may need to quit or let go of (such as fear).
I’m hopeful that this article will empower you with the courage and guidelines to do so.
You can’t change unless you change.
Thank you for reading this week’s newsletter.
Interested in learning more about how I help high-performers just like you unstuck themselves and unlock their full potential?
Apply to work with me and schedule a coaching discovery call here.
You may catch up on previous newsletters here.
If you have a question about anything I discussed in this week’s Unstuck Newsletter, please message me on Twitter (@pauljsalter7) or Instagram (@paulsaltercoaching).
My email inbox is always open, too: [email protected]
If you found this information valuable, click here to share it with a friend.
If you were forwarded this email, click here to receive my Unstuck Newsletter each Friday.